i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
