Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We just shotgunned beers for America
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
