i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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