Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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