YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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