Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
