I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Blow job season was short but glorious.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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