jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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