just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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