Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
