If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it was like eating out sand paper
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
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i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
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Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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