Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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