I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There are leaves in my underwear?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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