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He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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