You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize