Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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