I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
