Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
