Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
