Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
