Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
