im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
