If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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