i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
