And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
