I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You have to summon your inner elephant
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
