For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
