you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
