oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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