dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
