some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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