I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
