It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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