I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
