When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
