This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
