Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
