I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
