went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
