I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
