His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Holy sore nipples Batman
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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