areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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