wat bout pragnant strippers??
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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