Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
