Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
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my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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