Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
