I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
