I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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