$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
