In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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