I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
