Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
