I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
