Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Still dying that you shit outside
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
