That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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