Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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