i need an iv and a liver transplant
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
