I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
ok first of all what the fuck
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
