Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
