Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
