She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
