you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
