Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
