sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize